Anguish

This morning, Chadwick received a call from a colleague at the veterinary clinic where he works. I could tell from his posture and lack of conversation that the call did not bring good tidings. Tying his tie in preparation for church, he told me that a fellow veterinarian and friend, the man who occupied the desk next to his for the past year and then some, was missing. My stomach dropped to my feet as I tried to understand. "Missing? Like he didn't show up for work today?" It seemed unusual for Dr. Wick to go AWOL. Grimly, Chadwick informed me that while canoeing on the Snake River with his wife over the weekend, the canoe capsized. He hasn't been found, despite a search with boats and helicopters from agencies in three counties. Missing and presumed....dead. The search will be officially called off tomorrow at 3 pm.

My sweet husband headed out the door to their house in the north end of town to see how he could be of assistance. I admire his dedication to serving those in his circle of influence. How he can drop everything and go where needed. Meals were organized under his supervision for the wife (also a veterinarian in town), her parents, and her in-laws, who are with her at their house. Many of the clinic staff met this evening to get an update and huddle in the midst of the crisis. 

After Chadwick left the house on his grim errand, I collapsed in tears, pleading with Heavenly Father to let the body of this man be located. Alive would be preferable, but found in general. To give closure to his wife. To his parents and family members. To put an end to what is likely the worst nightmare this woman has experienced. I grieve for her pain, the anguish at coming up out of the cold water and not being able to locate her husband. For the hours spent trying to find him and making dreaded phone calls to parents and work. 

I've met them a handful of times at the clinic holiday parties. I used to giggle because Chad-wick sat next to Doug-Wick in the doctor office. He had a boyish air that says growing up is for other people, a great smile, and was well liked by the staff and, in all likelihood, his clients. I don't think they have been out of vet school for more than 5 years. 

A thousand questions run through my head that will never be answered. 

I feel weighted down by mortality and the knowledge that things can change in the blink of an eye. And it's a reminder to love deeply, apologize quickly, and cherish the normal days we experience. 

And my heart continues its silent, sad prayer.

Ear Piercing

I got my ears pierced for the first time when I was six and then again when I was twelve. For years, I happily wore two sets of earrings. First year of school at the WSU College of Vet Med brought discussions with the LDS missionaries and a challenge to treat my body as a temple; one of the presidents of the Church asked the youth and women to remove extra body piercings and leave only one set of earrings. I had been mulling over the invitation to remove the extra earrings for several days and remember one evening studying in the anatomy lab (the smell of formaldehyde never quite leaves your nose during that first year of school) and made the decision to commit. Whole-heartedly. I removed the studs from the upper earring holes and set them on the lab counter top. The belly button ring soon followed once I got back home. I'm guessing I gave up my occasional cup of coffee around that time as well.

My Morgan hasn't expressed much interest in having her ears pierced, unlike Mallorie who has asked intermittently since she was old enough to realize such a thing could be accomplished. My Tia sent Morgan a beautiful pair of earrings for her 8th birthday and sparked a desire to get her ears done. The first Tuesday of track break, we hit the mall, just the two of us. Claire's was the first stop. She chose studs that represent her birthstone and sat nervously while the sales associate prepared for the piercing.

As the woman raised the "gun" to Morgan's ear to place the earring, Morgan ducked her head sideways. Laughing, the associate informed her that in order to get this done, she had to hold still. This was repeated two more times. I was on the verge of having her get out of the chair to try in a few months when she bucked up and held still long enough for the "pow!" of the little machine. A look of surprise and pain flashed across her face....I was shocked she didn't move more than once as the woman went to place the other earring into the lobe of her ear.

Ears still stinging, Morgan picked out some extra earrings, got her bag of earring cleaner and instructions and out we went. The grimace didn't leave her face for a good 30 minutes, during which we ate a pretzel (she downed a whole one by herself) and bought some much-needed new tennis shoes. By the time we got back to the car, the pain had dulled enough for her to take a few selfies. She was quite proud of the earrings and did a great job caring for them for the first few weeks.

Mallorie has declared that she wants her ears pierced for her 6th birthday....we'll see how that goes.