Anguish

This morning, Chadwick received a call from a colleague at the veterinary clinic where he works. I could tell from his posture and lack of conversation that the call did not bring good tidings. Tying his tie in preparation for church, he told me that a fellow veterinarian and friend, the man who occupied the desk next to his for the past year and then some, was missing. My stomach dropped to my feet as I tried to understand. "Missing? Like he didn't show up for work today?" It seemed unusual for Dr. Wick to go AWOL. Grimly, Chadwick informed me that while canoeing on the Snake River with his wife over the weekend, the canoe capsized. He hasn't been found, despite a search with boats and helicopters from agencies in three counties. Missing and presumed....dead. The search will be officially called off tomorrow at 3 pm.

My sweet husband headed out the door to their house in the north end of town to see how he could be of assistance. I admire his dedication to serving those in his circle of influence. How he can drop everything and go where needed. Meals were organized under his supervision for the wife (also a veterinarian in town), her parents, and her in-laws, who are with her at their house. Many of the clinic staff met this evening to get an update and huddle in the midst of the crisis. 

After Chadwick left the house on his grim errand, I collapsed in tears, pleading with Heavenly Father to let the body of this man be located. Alive would be preferable, but found in general. To give closure to his wife. To his parents and family members. To put an end to what is likely the worst nightmare this woman has experienced. I grieve for her pain, the anguish at coming up out of the cold water and not being able to locate her husband. For the hours spent trying to find him and making dreaded phone calls to parents and work. 

I've met them a handful of times at the clinic holiday parties. I used to giggle because Chad-wick sat next to Doug-Wick in the doctor office. He had a boyish air that says growing up is for other people, a great smile, and was well liked by the staff and, in all likelihood, his clients. I don't think they have been out of vet school for more than 5 years. 

A thousand questions run through my head that will never be answered. 

I feel weighted down by mortality and the knowledge that things can change in the blink of an eye. And it's a reminder to love deeply, apologize quickly, and cherish the normal days we experience. 

And my heart continues its silent, sad prayer.