Motherhood

Motherhood is full of opposites - great joys, large frustrations, exhaustion, smiling until your face hurts, swinging from the brink of wanting to strangle a child to smothering that same child in kisses (sometimes within a five-minute period). It's the hardest thing I've ever done.

Motherhood is also FOREVER. It's not a 9-5 job or something from which you retire after putting in 18 years. There are no raises, no awards ceremonies, and you're always on call, on edge, and looking out. It's a burden to know that these sweet spirits have been entrusted in my care and I am so thankful to have an amazing husband with whom I can share this load. I believe that it does take a village to raise a family and can't believe how blessed I am with the family and friends, both near and far, who help me in this most important job. 

This quote from Harold B. Lee has really resonated with me in the past 6 months: "The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home." 

I've mentioned before being torn in my desire to work as a veterinarian and remain home with the children. It came to a head last fall and after a lengthy discussion with my hubs, decided to pray about continuing to work or remain here full time. My sweet sister in law recommended a list of pros and cons and that couldn't have been better advice. Once I got it out on the laptop, Excel spreadsheet style, I felt that my answer was clear: it's time to stay home. A trip to the temple and a Sunday of Julie-style fasting confirmed that thought. 

As a side note, I was nervous about telling Chadwick. In our previous conversation, he mentioned supporting a decision to remain home, but only if it was done for the right reasons. In other words, if I wasn't quitting my clinic job because it was hard. Or inconvenient. The impressive thing was that as I created the list of pros and cons - "stay at home," "continue working several days per month," and "go back to work on a weekly basis" - I could feel an internal shift. Yes, it was inconvenient to find a sitter for the younger kids and arrange for help getting Morgan to/from the bus stop. No, I don't have a lot of confidence in my clinic skills anymore. However, I began to feel like staying home was where I belonged and what I wanted for my family. It wasn't about me anymore. When I told Chadwick, he smiled and quietly said that he had been feeling the same thing over the previous couple of months. Immediate boost to my faith in prayer and doing something for the right reasons. 

I don't know what I'll do when the kids are in school full-time or gone the way of college/mission/their own apartment. And I'm not really worried, to be honest. I try to remember that being home is a blessing and something that shouldn't be taken for granted. Yes, there are hard days. Yes, there are days my heart soars watching and listening to the songs and giggles. Most days it's somewhere in between. 

My mom flew up for a visit over Mother's Day and we had a blast! Mother's Day and her birthday coincided this year so we celebrated by attending Morgan and Mallorie's end-of-the-year music recitals, lunch at Freddy's just us, and an overnight trip to McCall. 

It was just what I had been craving; alone time with Mom. We talked and ate our way through the weekend, shopping downtown McCall, walking by the lake, and enjoying time together. Chadwick made dinner Sunday evening and we decorated a Hello Kitty cake for her birthday. Spencer blew out the candles before Mom could take a breath at the end of the birthday song! She spoiled the kids Monday and flew back home Tuesday. 

I'm grateful to bear the title of "mother" and am indebted to my own mother and mother-in-law for setting amazing examples. This world is a better place with mothers.