Happy Thanksgiving!

Yesterday was the start of my favorite season - Christmas. And as much as I enjoy the lights, music, and festivities, the fact that it starts soon after Halloween is a little disconcerting.

To celebrate, the three of us and Darwin joined Steve and Nancy, James and family, and Chadwick's cousin and family for a few days at the cabin up in Garden Valley (north of Boise). There was just enough snow on the ground and road to make for some wonderful sledding! In typical Thanksgiving tradition, we ate too much, saw the Macy's parade, went sledding, watched some football, played some games, put together a puzzle, watched some more football, ate a little more, and had a good time. The kids all got along really well and aside from a cut in Darwin's paw from chasing the sled, there were no accidents. Side note: Chadwick took the dog into the clinic this afternoon to sedate, clean, and place sutures in his wound. He's gonna be fine. =)

I am thankful for so many things, and I wish it were easier to remember to be grateful year round. One of the things I love about this time of year is the fact that many more people remember to be nice to one another and feel more charitable.

Here's to all of my family and friends, who make my life so much better in so many ways!!

Happy Birthday, Bop-bop!

Bop-bop was the name I gave my maternal grandfather when I was learning to talk....and it stuck. Chadwick, Morgan, and I flew home along with 2 of my 3 brothers to celebrate his 80th birthday last week. It was so much fun! Sunday night we had dinner at a restaurant with cake and celebrated again Monday night at Mom's house with yummy dinner and cupcakes. Mom was determined that there would be 80 candles lit for the occasion. So she made 20 cupcakes with 4 candles each. It was an impressive blaze and then a large amount of smoke. =) Mark's parents were also present for the festivities.It was a great visit. David, Chadwick, Morgan and I accompanied Bop to the aquarium and to Wendy's for lunch on his birthday, which was a real treat since I can't remember a time going out with him and not Nana as well. Morgan was a hoot as always and enjoyed the extra attention provided by grand and great-grandparents.

Chadwick had to leave after 4 days but Morgan and I were able to stay for the rest of the week. We played, she took Nana's walker for many laps around the house, I ran in the park several times, we ate out more times than I care to count, she got a black eye on Coach's coffee table corner, and saw my dad on several occasions as well. Never a dull moment!

Going down we decided not to purchase a ticket for Morgan since she can still ride on our laps for free....and we were exhausted by the time we arrived at the ABQ airport! She flew well, but she is a busy little body that was hard to contain in the small space allotted to us. I did buy her a seat for my solo-parent ride home and that was much easier!

It was depressing to have to leave and come home, though I was glad to get back with Chadwick, Darwin, and Cleo. I walked in to find this little sign waiting for us!

Parenting Pearls

Have you ever really sat and thought about how you give positive feedback to your children? Or spouse? That was the topic of one of the most recent parenting classes - praise vs encouragement. I have never thought about the difference between the two, but turns out there is a rather large one! And praise can be much easier to give than encouragement.

Let's define both words: Praise is a reward, usually based on competition with use of superlatives, general compliments, and is focused on the accomplishment (or lack thereof) from an individual. It teaches the child that if she receives praise, she is of value. Without praise, she has no value. It's very much a stroking of the ego. Examples: "What a good girl you are for helping me." The unstated statment is that she is not a good girl if she dooes not help and has less "value." Same thing with being a "good boy for cleaning your room," "you are the prettiest girl in the class," and "I think you are the best mom ever."

Encouragement, on the other hand, focuses on the child's efforts without comparison to others. It uses specific compliments and is effort oriented, even if the effort is slight. The end product states that accomplishments are separate from feelings of self-worth, aimed at giving the child a sense of self-respect and self-confidence. She gave an example of a high school young woman who competed in the Miss Idaho pagaent. The girl did very well and was expected by her family to place well. Turns out, she did not even make the Top 10. Rather the complain, dive into a pity-party, this brave young woman was thrilled to have had the experience and felt good about the performance she gave, even though it didn't get her the crown. I was very impressed by that. Examples? "I appreciated your help today," "thank you for cleaning, it looks nice," or "you worked hard on your project." For those children who ar struggling, say something like "you seem to be having a hard time in school...why don't we sit and talk about it?". Encouragement makes you feel good inside. How many of you would feel warm and fuzzy if, on Mother's Day, your husband told you that you were the best mom ever? Um, not many. If, on the other hand, your husband told you that he loved watching you read to the kids before bed, would that create more feelings of self-worth? No, we are not perfect moms. With encouragement, we can feel good about the things we do well and keep trying on the rest.

As I left class, I found that it was difficult to distinguish between the two and that for me, it requires more effort to encourage. I have been working on being conscious and it has become easier.

Other tips for providing encouragement from her class notes: note your child's attributes and be specific, teach child that failure indicates lack of skill and does not effect the value of the person, express appreciation for even small efforts.

Word of caution - do not use encouragement to get what you as the parent want. "Your room is so clean! Why don't you keep it like this every day?" Jab, jab! It will backfire every time....

And our points to ponder:
>Use the language of encouragement and correct your mistakes in the moment to help yourself create a habit of encouraging (way to go, you do a good job of, you can help me by, beautiful work, terrific, etc)
>Learn your individual child's love language
>Have one-on-one talk time with each child - this is a time for you to listen and them to talk about anything, do some goal setting, etc. Not a time to chide
>Help your children set and acheive goals and work with them to make it happen

Taken for Granted No More

The last couple of months have seen Chadwick and I on a roller coaster of family planning - a ride of surprise, dismay, and thinking. Here are a few "stats" to sum up the experience:

^ Two lines on the at-home pregnancy test said we were pregnant mid-August!
^ One nap per afternoon to try and beat the exhaustion of the first tri-mester
^ An ultrasound at week 7 showed an amniotic sac, yolk sac, but no embryo (baby)
^ One week of tense waiting to see if there was positive development by week 8
^ Several tears as I found out the pregnancy was not developing properly, and was termed a spontaneous abortion-1 (SAB)
^ Two more weeks of waiting, feeling slightly pregnant and "off," and scheduling a d&c
^ Week 10 of "pregnancy" and I had the mis-carriage all by myself, without assistance (and no heavy-duty drugs, might I add, which was a painful few hours)

There are so many stories of unwanted pregnancies and women having two children 11 months apart that I forget that embryology is truly a delicate process! If nothing else, this experience made me stop and think about how amazing it is that so many of us form correctly on the first try. There is so much that needs to come together at a specific time and so many opportunities for things to go awry!

We didn't tell tons of people about the pregnancy, which was a relief since it didn't work out the way we had planned. I have felt so blessed through this process by the friends and family who were aware of the situation and have reached out in love and support.

Just another adventure in our journey into parenthood!

Parenting Pearls

Several girlfriends and I took a class through BYU-I in the evenings on parenting, taught by an amazing woman who has seen it all, done most of it, and has been teaching this particular class for about 10 years (maybe more). I really enjoyed it and was excited to be able to attend her class again this fall. I will try and do blogs each week with the "parenting pearls" that I glean from each class.

Last week's topic was on creating a house of order. In order to create a house of order, we need to do some planning and preparation. Planning was something done from the beginning of time. It would have been silly for God to create the animals and plants without first creating the earth. To start, we need to get a vision and create a plan and purpose for our home. How can you parent with a purpose if you don't have a plan?

There is order in its season, its place, and its time.
One of the scriptures states that "to everything there is a season." For those of us with young children, our primary focus needs to be on parenting, teaching, training, and creating a place of security for our children. Yes, have hobbies and other activities, but the focus should be on the children. We should live more in the moment and cherish the things that are occuring in our house now. In all of eternity, this is our one opportunity to have our children totally to ourselves. Sister Tanner pointed out that if we cherish the moments, we will use more moments to teach. Why do we yell? To get results and move on to the next task. Why is a child being ornery? Take the time to find out and correct rather than "bandaid" the signs so you can run to the next thing.

Creating a neat and orderly home will allow for the Spirit to be able to dwell within our homes. No, the house doesn't have to be perfect, but liveable. Create peace in the home by choosing appropriate types of music, movies, and activities. D&C 88:124 is perfect for this: "Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated." Her challenge to us was to get up, exercise/read scriptures and shower before the children are vertical. The blessing? A creationg of order, peace, and a decrease in tension. Also see D&C 88:119.

Create rites of passage to help the children feel like they are growing up. Yes, our church has established 8 years as the time for baptism and 16 years for the age at which to date. Create a few rules and then stick to the precedents you have set for the oldest. What do you want to do for baptisms? Weddings? When can the girls pierce their ears? Have Friday nights out with friends?

Establish daily and weekly habits. Have mealtimes together, especially dinners.

Now for the homework (which she assigns each week):

• As a family, write a mission statement. Hang it on the wall, read it often.



• Look at your daily life - how can you create order and establish healthy patterns?



• Have a FHE on the Proclamation to the Family.



• Read Elder Worthlin's talk in May 2007 "Life's Lessons Learned"



• From the first week of class, read Ensign May 2011 pg 103 - great talk! Will help with the mission statment I think

As I have made some of her suggestions a part of my life, I have learned about my own parenting style, been able to try and change some of my habits, and just had fun thinking about things that ought to be done! I hope that some of these tidbits I throw at the blog are helpful (to anyone still reading this?), and if there have questions or want more details, let me know!

The Creative Little Mind

Last week after dinner, I had the tray off Morgan's high chair for cleaning. She said, "Baby? Baby?" and went to get her little doll, which she quickly located and then placed in the high chair. "Num-num?" she asked. "Do you want some num-nums for your baby?" I asked her. A quick "yes!" followed and I got some craisons from the cupboard. She happily shoved one into the doll's face and then popped it into her own mouth. After one or two, Morgan ran off to get her stuffed animals. Hello Kitty, green frog, singing bear, duck, gorilla, and the puppy were among the animals shoved onto the chair and fed some craisons. After their "dinner," the animals and doll were re-located to the fireplace hearth, where she lined them up in a row with very little guidance on my part. I managed to snag a photo with her and the animals before she jumped off the hearth and began to put them back next to the couch.

Might I add that as she put them away, it was 1-2 animals at a time? Twelve steps from the hearth to the couch, twelve back to the hearth. Times 5 trips.....that's a lot of steps! No wonder she sleeps well at night!

Catch-Up

Quick run down: Tuesday after Labor Day we had a family outing, dog included, to play at Lucky Peak in the park with a picnic. Sept 9 we celebrated Chadwick and Stephan's birthday with some amazing home-grilled salmon at the Hunts. Sept 11 was the ten year anniversary of 9/11, and Chadwick and I both agree that it doesn't feel that long since the destruction of the towers. As all the people interviewed on television and the radio, those are images and memories that will never be erased from my mind.

In Morgan-land, her vocabulary seems to be increasing weekly. From about 22 words at her 18-month birthday, she continues to add them, or parts of them, quickly! Yesterday she came up with "happy," though I'm not sure if that is "happy" of "hoppy" or some weird form of "apple." Time will tell! She has a tendency to combine many meanings into one word, so it may mean all of those things! For example, "da-do" can mean radio, music, piano, or dance.

Yesterday, the three of us went downtown to Art in the Park, a deal put on by the Boise Art Museum. They invite hundreds of vendors who sell art, crafts, jewelry, etc - there is some awesome talent around! And of course they have all the fair foods - lemonade, funnel cakes, elephant ears, corn dogs, frozen bananas dipped in chocolate...I could have spent the whole time eating! Lucky (or unlucky) for me, I married someone who is relatively immune to the effects of a funnel cake stand, so I settled for a lemonade and a walk around the park. http://www.boiseartmuseum.org/events/AIPinfo_general.php

Several weeks ago, Morgan discovered the joy of wearing olive rings....it must be ingrained into children that those little black things that adults eat make lovely jewelry. She didn't hold still real well, so pardon the blur. But you get the idea:

And this afternoon, I found her wearing my shoes, holding her blankie and the helium balloon I gave Chadwick for his birthday! She was so proud of herself, the little diva.